Today started off pretty badly. Woke up feeling sick this morning and was pretty miserable for a few hours, but once I took some meds and a nap I woke up feeling a lot better! I just came back from a bible study this evening and it was my first one with this church group that my roommate invited me to. It was a lot of fun and I plan on going back next week too :) Today was a little rough in the beginning- I thought it was gonna be just another one of those days, but now that I've come back from bible study I am feeling very uplifted! Thank you Jesus.
Before I get into the bulk of this post I have to tell you about another blog I found that is SO PERFECT. This lady is seriously hilarious. I was constantly giggling about some of her posts and she seems so real its almost like I can hear her reading each post to me. I love that each one is so straightforward and blunt and when she messes up she doesnt make excuses- she just writes about it and moves on. You can read this at http://www.mamalaughlin.com/ you will not regret it. Shes so badass and is so easy to relate to.
So I've been needing a vent sesh lately and figured since this is my own damn blog and no one dictates what I write in it, why not do it here? Anyone needing a little motivation, or an "i know what you mean" moment will probably enjoy this post as much as I will writing it, unless youre completely satisfied with your body/image/weight etc. Then you might be an exception.
1. Everyone has that "one friend." She's smoking hot, doesnt even have to try at it, all the boys want her, she eats like a 16 year old boy all day long without gaining a pound, and you hate going out with just her because you know youll just be playing the wingman all night. Do you know who Im talking about? Hell yes you do- everyone does. I have never been that friend. Never even close to being that friend. BUT of course I have always been the awkward wingman (and also insanely jealous) friend. Im sure her life is hard on the inside. She no doubt has her own insecurities likes the rest of us but you know what- im sick of NOT being that "one friend." Yep I want to be her. I want to look good in tight clothes and have boys hanging on my every word and I want to NOT HAVE to look at others and think myself inferior because im just her "thick friend." Call me jealous because damnit I am. My close friends let me apologize in advance for how I am going to make you feel by the end of my transformation. Im sorry for becoming that "one friend." I promise to remain a good person at heart even when I start stopping traffic and rolling out of bed looking like beyonce and wearing yoga pants that make me look like a super model. Im sorry for that. Dont hate me, just be jealous. Its a cycle you know?
2. My butt- a double edged sword. The silver lining of my body mass can be found at my posterior. I have a big ole booty. Its nice to have a little junk in the trunk sometimes and I do like that I have some curves, but you know what sucks about that? Shopping, blue jeans, shorts, swim suits, skirts, rompers, dresses, and literally any other article of clothing or accessory that comes in contact with my butt. 4 things listed are the absolute worst.
-Blue jeans. It is so freaking difficult to find a good pair of jeans that fit OVER my thighs, AROUND my butt, and dont have a damn 3 inch gap at my waist. Story. of. my. life. I do not own one pair of jeans that stay on my waist without a giant belt it is so annoying!
-Swim suits. Bottoms will be the death of me, especially at victorias secret. I love their swim suits because I am quite lacking in the chest department so I need a little help up there, but their bottoms run pretty small. I always have to mix and match with the boring bottoms because they are the only ones that ever fit me. Plus its hard to find bottoms that stay on without the ones that come with super suction elastic bands that squeeze into my butt and leave marks- embarrassing and not flattering by any means.
-Rompers. Perhaps my biggest disappointment. I LOVE rompers and they usually are very flattering on me but it takes the perfect choice for that to happen. I have a long torso and a giant booty which when combined and looking for a one piece....... game nearly over. Either the top half is too big because I have to get the size larger for my ass or the bottom half is too small because im all messed up proportionally.
and last but certainly not least.....
-Shopping in general. So many clothes look so good on the hanger, but when I try them on it is my butt that ruins it for me about 90% of the time. Not to mention, while shopping for pants or shorts I am always embarrassed to be browsing through my size section around the 12s and 14s. The smallest Ive ever been in pants is a size 10. I would LOVE to be a single digit one day.
3. I hate feeling self conscious alllllllll the time..... literally all the time. This doesnt need explanation. I think we all can agree that it sucks to constantly be worried about how you look.
4. Fashion trends are not meant for girls like me. When will the world actually come out with a trend that works for those of us that arent stick figures?! High waisted shorts- nope. Pencil skirts- nope, not unless I want to get comments about how big my butt looks. Big Tshirts paired with leggings- not unless I am fine with constantly pulling at my shirt to make sure it covers my butt.
So I think that is enough complaining. I have been back to below my calorie goal for 6 days in a row now :) hopefully Ill start seeing some more results! Today I noticed my face was slightly leaner. At bible study however there was SO MUCH DELICIOUS FOOD. It took so much self control to have one plate of small portions of caesar salad and fettuccine alfredo. I did have 2 pieces of watermelon, 2 bottles of water and............ 2 small brownies :/ Small steps people.
:) im legitimately excited to go to the gym tomorrow. I am going to do a 7 minute run, lift lower body, do an arm circuit, abs, and swim! I started off doing 4 minute runs as a warm up before lifting weights and that got easy pretty quickly. I upped it to 5 minutes, then 6 and this week im up to 7. My goal by the end of summer is to be up to 15 minutes at a brisk pace (roughly 2 miles). Cant wait to see how far I can push myself.
Readers, this has been fun as always- until next time XOXO
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